She wants to get married, but he is afraid
2003-05-18 11:17:58 | إسلام ويب
السؤال:
I am a Muslim from Yugoslavia, Sandjak, the Muslim part of Yugoslavia. As you probably know we had many troubles that we have passed through. Al-Hamdu lillah, we are all fine now. However, those bad times for us Muslims caused a lot of stress for the young people here. I am 24 and I met a nice guy; we started to practice real Islam when we found out about it. Thanks to Allah Who guided us to allow our youth to study Islamic sciences in Arabic countries. I met him 4 years ago and we wanted to get married, but I was still studying at the university and my parents didn’t allow me to marry him. Then came the war with NATO. After that I graduated and started to wear hijab. Then I found a nice job as a teacher in Islamic school. We wanted to get married. I know that he loves me, and hard for him to lose me, as for me to lose him. But a year and a half ago he had some little stress, and since then he has been afraid to marry me. He is quite well, Al-hamdu lillah and he is religious; that is why I want to marry him. But he is afraid that it might happen again. I am getting angry because we are not married yet. He is afraid if something happens to him what i would do then. We both know that what ever happens is commanded by Allah. For a few nights I performed Istihara prayer, asking Allah to guide me. I believe He approves of our getting married. He also performed Istihara for 5 nights, but he does not feel satisfied. So he is still afraid. He is 30 now. I’ve tried to explain to him that he had that stress because he is not married, and that hurts me, because I am the one who is pushing it. There are many men who would marry me, but before I started to practice Islam I allowed him to kiss me. Now I am asking Allah to forgive me for what I was doing without knowing much about Islam and its rules. That is why I don’t want to marry another because he touched me. I don’t want to marry someone else when I am not pure as I should be. I am a virgin. I told him about these Islamic sites and he asked me to ask about this matter because it would be hard to ask someone about that here. He asked me to ask you what he could do, and he really wants to marry me. We know that we are just wasting time like this and that we make sin like this
الإجابــة:
Dear Sister,
All praise is to Allah for helping you and so many Muslims to survive the devastation in your country and to return to the teachings of Islam. May He bless you with peace of mind and right thinking as you strive to rebuild your community and your lives on the sound foundation of the Muslim family.
It is unfortunate that during the Communist regime so much Islamic knowledge was lost and fell out of practice in Yugoslavia and other Baltic countries. Allah has blessed you to renew your awareness of Islam and opened your heart to its truth. Now you must understand that a Muslim marriage cannot be valid without the consent of the girl’s parents or guardian.
You mentioned that your parents did not allow you to marry the man of your choice while you were at university. You made no further mention of their acceptance of him. Until you have their approval, you need to obey their wishes regarding this man as long as they are in accordance with Sharia. (See our Fatwa Section for details.)
You need also to know that if you intend to practice Islam properly, you cannot have relations with an alien man outside of marriage; there is no courtship outside of marriage. Accordingly you must end your relationship with this alien man until you are married. If he intends to marry you, then he should approach a male member of your family and seek permission from your parents. You should then discuss the matter with them and be guided by their decision.
Now you need to return to Allah sincerely in repentance for your sins regarding this man, end this relationship, and vow not to involve yourself again with an alien man in a way that is disobedient to Allah.
Know also that Allah accepts sincere repentance, and that sincere repentance, with Allah’s forgiveness, returns one to a state of purity. With that in mind and your desire to marry according to Islam, you should be able to find a pious Muslim husband to please you and your family, Allah willing. With this information, perhaps the man you mentioned will find a deepening of his commitment to Islam and then be ready to enter marriage properly.
May Allah increase our faith in Him, open a way out of every difficulty, and draw us closer to Him
Dear Sister,
All praise is to Allah for helping you and so many Muslims to survive the devastation in your country and to return to the teachings of Islam. May He bless you with peace of mind and right thinking as you strive to rebuild your community and your lives on the sound foundation of the Muslim family.
It is unfortunate that during the Communist regime so much Islamic knowledge was lost and fell out of practice in Yugoslavia and other Baltic countries. Allah has blessed you to renew your awareness of Islam and opened your heart to its truth. Now you must understand that a Muslim marriage cannot be valid without the consent of the girl’s parents or guardian.
You mentioned that your parents did not allow you to marry the man of your choice while you were at university. You made no further mention of their acceptance of him. Until you have their approval, you need to obey their wishes regarding this man as long as they are in accordance with Sharia. (See our Fatwa Section for details.)
You need also to know that if you intend to practice Islam properly, you cannot have relations with an alien man outside of marriage; there is no courtship outside of marriage. Accordingly you must end your relationship with this alien man until you are married. If he intends to marry you, then he should approach a male member of your family and seek permission from your parents. You should then discuss the matter with them and be guided by their decision.
Now you need to return to Allah sincerely in repentance for your sins regarding this man, end this relationship, and vow not to involve yourself again with an alien man in a way that is disobedient to Allah.
Know also that Allah accepts sincere repentance, and that sincere repentance, with Allah’s forgiveness, returns one to a state of purity. With that in mind and your desire to marry according to Islam, you should be able to find a pious Muslim husband to please you and your family, Allah willing. With this information, perhaps the man you mentioned will find a deepening of his commitment to Islam and then be ready to enter marriage properly.
May Allah increase our faith in Him, open a way out of every difficulty, and draw us closer to Him
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