Became a Muslim, but now feels she is dying
2003-05-18 11:03:28 | إسلام ويب
السؤال:
I need help as I feel I am dying. Please read all of it carefully and give sincere advice. I became a Muslim five years ago now. I was married to a Muslim although I can honestly say my conversion had very little to do with my husband, rather I came to know Islam through praying for the truth sincerely. I had a firm belief in Allah and His Messenger. I was taught my prayers and was told their meaning their importance and that they were absolutely obligatory with serious consequences in the hereafter for failure to perform them. I did pray for a while but then I stopped. Then after feeling always heavy about leaving them I would eventually go back to them. After a while I would leave them again, then go back. This has gone on for five years exactly like this - on and off, on and off. At this point, I feel as though I’m going to choke with disappointment. I have never doubted Allah and His messenger and yet I have been unable to continue with such an easy thing as observing the prayers. I am a very passive person as I let people do wrong things in front of me. I feel bad to turn them away or embarrass them by telling them they are wrong. Sometimes when I am low in emaan due to my not praying I would even join in with them, i.e. listening to music, watching videos and so forth. My sins feel like they are drowning me. I feel so far from Allah that I feel any little faith I have is dwindling away like a fire going out. I started bright but I am bit by bit going out. The sister who I am talking about is here every day. I got so involved with her situation, I even spoke with her husband’s brother who she was having the affair with. I even allowed her to use my phone to call him so I know I have that sin on top of me as well. On top of all that rather than deal with the reality of life, death, the hereafter, the failing as a wife, mother and servant of Allah, I put myself in an imaginary world of love and romance. I'm enter this world when I cook, sleep, go to the bathroom; sometimes even when my husband is in the same room I talk to the imaginary people I have invented. I am in the worse state you can imagine right now, and I just keep on digging the hole deeper and deeper until I fear I will never get out. I have very little sincerity in me if any at all. I am always lying to my husband so he won’t have any ideas about the prayer and things. Insha Allah, I will do my best to do whatever you say I should do.
الإجابــة:
Dear Sister,
When a person professes the Shahadah (confession of a Muslim), La ilaha illaha, Muhammad-ur-Rasul-Allah (None had the right to be worshipped but Allah, and Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah), he becomes a Muslim. This testimony of faith must be affirmed first by public declaration on the tongue, second by sincere belief in the heart, and finally by demonstration through one’s actions (deeds).
Islam is built on five pillars: Shahadah, Sallah (establishment of prayer), Zakah (giving of alms), Saum (observing fast), and Hajj (performing the pilgrimage). Observation of these Pillars is a testimony that a person has established faith in Allah, the Almighty. There is no Islam if these pillars are not observed, or if any of them are neglected.
After the declaration of faith (Shahadah), prayer is most important. Indeed, Allah has made the prayer the beacon of His religion. He has ordered us to be mindful of it, saying, which means, “Guard strictly your prayers, especially the middle prayer, and stand before Allah will all devotion” (2:238). The performance of prayer is one of the greatest tokens of faith, the most significant of religious ceremonies, and the surest way to thanking Allah for His boundless favors. To neglect it is to be separated from God, His Mercy, His favors, and to be denied His Kindness and blessings.
As you mentioned faith (emaan) increases and decreases according to the attention we give to practicing Islam in our daily living. In addition to devotion to prayer, a Muslim needs to gain knowledge about Islam. Knowledge deepens our understanding, appreciation of and devotion to this greatest of religions. To gain knowledge of Islam, we need to surround ourselves with pious Muslims, teachers of Islam, read Islamic materials and spend some time in study. One should read the Qur’an daily and spend time thinking about its meaning. In this way you will find your self being “lifted up” beyond your feeling depressed, lonely, and needing to ‘invent’ another world.
For now, you need to repent to Allah for your neglect in worship and drifting into sin; turn again to sincere devotion, seeking Allah’s favor. He has promised to forgive sincere repentance. You need to feel Allah’s closeness, for He has stated that He is ever near to His servants.
By all means try to find a way to engage your husband in seeking a solution to the difficulties you are facing. Discuss your problems with him. Pray together, read Qur’an and Islamic literature to one another. Attend Islamic social events together. Develop relations with other pious married couples. Lastly, it may be that the two of you need to seek counseling with a Muslim mental health professional to help you deepen and strengthen your marital relationship.
We pray that Allah will keep you and us on His straight way
Dear Sister,
When a person professes the Shahadah (confession of a Muslim), La ilaha illaha, Muhammad-ur-Rasul-Allah (None had the right to be worshipped but Allah, and Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah), he becomes a Muslim. This testimony of faith must be affirmed first by public declaration on the tongue, second by sincere belief in the heart, and finally by demonstration through one’s actions (deeds).
Islam is built on five pillars: Shahadah, Sallah (establishment of prayer), Zakah (giving of alms), Saum (observing fast), and Hajj (performing the pilgrimage). Observation of these Pillars is a testimony that a person has established faith in Allah, the Almighty. There is no Islam if these pillars are not observed, or if any of them are neglected.
After the declaration of faith (Shahadah), prayer is most important. Indeed, Allah has made the prayer the beacon of His religion. He has ordered us to be mindful of it, saying, which means, “Guard strictly your prayers, especially the middle prayer, and stand before Allah will all devotion” (2:238). The performance of prayer is one of the greatest tokens of faith, the most significant of religious ceremonies, and the surest way to thanking Allah for His boundless favors. To neglect it is to be separated from God, His Mercy, His favors, and to be denied His Kindness and blessings.
As you mentioned faith (emaan) increases and decreases according to the attention we give to practicing Islam in our daily living. In addition to devotion to prayer, a Muslim needs to gain knowledge about Islam. Knowledge deepens our understanding, appreciation of and devotion to this greatest of religions. To gain knowledge of Islam, we need to surround ourselves with pious Muslims, teachers of Islam, read Islamic materials and spend some time in study. One should read the Qur’an daily and spend time thinking about its meaning. In this way you will find your self being “lifted up” beyond your feeling depressed, lonely, and needing to ‘invent’ another world.
For now, you need to repent to Allah for your neglect in worship and drifting into sin; turn again to sincere devotion, seeking Allah’s favor. He has promised to forgive sincere repentance. You need to feel Allah’s closeness, for He has stated that He is ever near to His servants.
By all means try to find a way to engage your husband in seeking a solution to the difficulties you are facing. Discuss your problems with him. Pray together, read Qur’an and Islamic literature to one another. Attend Islamic social events together. Develop relations with other pious married couples. Lastly, it may be that the two of you need to seek counseling with a Muslim mental health professional to help you deepen and strengthen your marital relationship.
We pray that Allah will keep you and us on His straight way
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